My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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