my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are two peas in an std pod
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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