are you so shy because you have an std?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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