Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
