update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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