So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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