He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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