If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize