How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Two words: nipple clamps
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