I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
