Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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