I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
