Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
