When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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