I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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