In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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