Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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