i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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