I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
