You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
