??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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