How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
