She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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