i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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