My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
