So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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