Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize