just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
