I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
