he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
