just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I CAN MOONWALK!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
