Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
