I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
