4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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