I wanna bring you to show and tell
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
