Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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