fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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