dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
