Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
