he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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