..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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