just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
