Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
