Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
