Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had sex on a roof
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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