ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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