I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
