Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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