we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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