I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
