you have to choose: penises or morals?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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