need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
