So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am naked and annoyed.
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