so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
