I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
