You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
