She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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