i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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