Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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