Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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