god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize