so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
