I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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