You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize