I just saw a hot homeless man
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
