I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
