did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
