sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
