Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
