hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
