I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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