please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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