Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
