I am spending my child support on dildos
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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