I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
